Sunday, October 24, 2010

Episode 43: Jealousy

Today we’re talking about a little green-eyed monster, you know the one, it’s called Jealousy.  Have you ever been in a relationship with a jealous person? Do you get jealous when you’re in a relationship? Sometimes feelings of jealousy creep up on you out of nowhere.  Maybe because your partner is still in touch with their ex, or when you’re out in public they get a lot of attention from ‘potential competition’, and it puts you on edge.  Or maybe it’s your partner that gets a bit antsy every time you talk to someone of the opposite sex, or decide to have a night out with your friends.  None of us are immune from the emotion of jealousy, but it’s something that we should be vigilant in avoiding, as it can ruin a relationship very quickly if allowed to fester. 

The best way to get rid of jealousy is to get to the root of why you feel the way you do.  What are the triggers? Identify and nullify them. Let’s go back to the example of the ex.  Say your partner still talks to their ex, and that makes you uncomfortable.  You need to communicate that to them and find a solution.  If it’s not possible for them to stop talking to their ex, say because they have a child with them, then they need to be open with you about the nature of their contact.  If you know exactly what they’re talking about, (speakerphone is great for this) then you don’t have to entertain any jealous thoughts based on assumptions.  I know of couples who give each other the passwords to their phone, email, Facebook and Twitter accounts, so there is complete transparency. Not everyone would feel comfortable doing this, but it’s an option in the quest to build trust. 

Trust.  That’s really the issue with jealousy isn’t it?  Not trusting that your partner is truthful, faithful.  Not trusting that you are worthy of being truthful and faithful to.  Those who don’t trust, like to control.  If I can’t trust that you’ll be faithful to me, I’ll make you be faithful.  What manifests out of that is a paranoia that poisons. Here come the constant phone calls and texts checking up on you, "Where are you, who are you with? Why didn’t you call me back? Where you looking at her?  Where you looking at him?  You’re cheating on me aren’t you? Just admit it, I know you’re lying, you won’t look me in the eye!"... Yeah, not pretty.

Don’t feed the green-eyed monster, it will devour you eventually.  However, when it starts to lash its tail, don’t ignore it either.  If you find yourself getting jealous often in your relationship, it could be because there is something your partner is doing to put you in a position of insecurity.  Some people like to use that emotion as a way of manipulation in order to keep a person attached to them. It’s an unhealthy way to orchestrate a relationship, and it’s bound to backfire eventually.  

And you know what, maybe there is a reason to be suspicious! You really have to look at everything with a clear vision and evaluate whether you are just being too paranoid or if there’s a more sinister situation at play.  Trust your instincts, and if you have levelheaded friends, see if you can get an objective perspective.  Also, let your partner know how you’re feeling, because if someone loves you, they will do all they can to make sure you feel secure in that love.  We all come with a history and past hurts, so what may seem innocent to them, may be a red flag to you, so you have to find a common ground that you can both stand on.  Jealousy is a seed that you don’t want to water in a relationship, it’ll become a weed that will choke the life out of anything you grow together, so the minute you see it sprout, pluck it out!


(download mix here)

Roy C – I’m A Jealous Man
Julian Jonah – Jealousy & Lies
Frances Nero – Footsteps (Pharmacy Allstars Mix)
Ten City – Suspicious
Luther Vandross – The Jealousy In Me
The AmazNs – Believe It (instrumental)
Alicia Keys – I Think I’m Jealous Of Your Girlfriend
Faith Evans – Jealous
Avery*Sunshine – All In My Head
Joe – It Ain’t Like That
Another Bad Creation – Jealous Girl
Erykah Badu – Green Eyes
Keyshia Cole – I Should’ve Cheated
Donny Hathaway – Jealous Guy (live)
Beyonce – Resentment
Prince – I Love U, But I Don’t Trust U Anymore ft. Ani DiFranco
Mary J. Blige – Gotta Believe
Joe – You Should Know Me
Musiq Soulchild – Previouscats
Ideal – Jealous Skies
Kenny Lattimore & Chante Moore – I Got You Babe
Sade – Nothing Can Come Between Us

Geena Lee
Lovesoul Studio
Toronto, Canada

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