Episode 27: Loving You

"I'm gon' be my own best friend..." Beyonce

Are you on the list of people you love? Did you even think to put yourself there? Many of us define ourselves by who we love, but do you love you? Off the bat many would say “why yes, of course I love myself”, but if you examine the people around you, and the habits you engage in, the opposite may be true.

The concept of self-love may seem well, selfish; but it’s actually very necessary if you intend to develop and maintain meaningful relationships. I can’t be good to you if I’m not good to me, right? Some of us are very good at loving; giving and caring for others, but have difficulty practicing it on ourselves. A lack of self-love will put you in some messed up situations where love is something to be pursued and earned; not realizing that you must first possess it within yourself. The love that comes to you is a reflection of the love you already have.

So how do you practice self-love? Get to know yourself. Make a list of all the things that make you, you. Become conscious of who you are, not what you think you should be. Accept all that you see, unconditionally. Never mind the flaws, we all got them, it’s what you do in spite of them that matters. You are a work in progress, but in this moment, you are complete. Let that sink in for a bit…right now, you are complete. Do you believe what I’m telling you? Is there a little voice in your head saying otherwise? The minute we start to analyze ourselves we start to criticize ourselves, finding fault in a million things, and all that does is distract us from the power we have to transform ourselves and the world around us. There’s only room for one in the driver’s seat of your mind, so who are you letting take the wheel of your thoughts?

You really have to make a conscious decision to live a happy and fulfilled life. So many of us take things as they come, living by ‘default’ so to speak, never asking for more, nor expecting much in the first place. Just as a flower needs water and sunlight to grow, you have to nurture yourself in every way, expecting the best and believing you deserve it; wouldn’t you want the best for someone you loved? Once you start to think positively about yourself, just like that flower, you begin to blossom. And those positive thoughts turn into positive actions that will move you towards the relationships necessary for your growth.

When you are in a loving state of mind, you approach life differently, you start to surround yourself with people who compliment your outlook, and pull away from those who don’t. You can’t love yourself and be in a relationship where you are treated badly, those two mindsets can’t co-exist. You can’t attract real love if you don’t have real love for yourself. You may attract someone willing to give you real love, but if you don’t love yourself, you’ll be unable to accept it, and that love won’t last. Too many times we sabotage our own happiness because we don’t feel we deserve it.

Practicing self-love takes…practice. You have to be vigilant with your thoughts and actions, always making sure that the things you do and say are positive and conducive to your life-goals. It requires you to let go of your fears and self-doubt, and to be truthful with yourself on all levels. Trust yourself, forgive yourself, believe in yourself, follow your dreams, find your joy and stay in it. Be the love you want to see, and it will be.

Love,
Geena

Self-Love Playlist:
(download here)
Ledisi - Higher Than This
Conya Doss - Only Be Me
India Arie - Private Party
Angie Stone - I'm Happy Being Me ft. Pauletta Washington
Jaguar Wright - Self Love
Grenique - Love Within
Christina Aguilera - Beautiful (acapella)

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Geena Lee
Lovesoul Studio
Toronto, Canada