"I got this baggage with me, don't wanna make you pay for what somebody else has done to me..."
- Mary J. Blige
Surely there’s a purpose in having a vivid memory. It’s our way of archiving experiences into various categories of usefulness; from remembering where you left your keys to making a note to never date someone with a certain personality type, ever. But here’s the kicker: negative emotion enhances memory accuracy more than positive emotion does. Think back to any particularly unpleasant moment in your past, and I bet you can remember every detail, down to the smell. Now try it for a happy memory, how much do you specifically remember, other than it was a really good moment? Maybe our brains are better at remembering the bad stuff because there are more lessons to be learned from them, and if we can recall what went wrong in particular, we can take precautions to make sure it doesn’t happen again. That’s what I figure anyway.
Let’s go back to the burden of memory. Being able to recall the past is useful, but we run the risk of being stuck in it, hauling it along with us into the present, hence the term ‘emotional baggage’. The more you think about something, the more energy you give it and the more power it has to influence your life. When it comes to finding and starting a new relationship, alot of times our baggage gets in the way. Despite ourselves, the pain of the past influences how we act in the present, making it difficult to move forward into a fresh start. Sometimes we use the past as a sort of protection, keeping it alive to always ‘remind’ us to never get hurt again. But if you're always reliving it, you can never get past it.
We know it’s not good to carry all that baggage around, but how can we really get rid of it, when the past has shaped so much of who we are? Well maybe if we look at the task from a different angle, it can be possible. Instead seeing the past as something to battle, let’s see it as something to make peace with. Unpack that baggage. Look at each piece of history; acknowledge the lessons each part has to tell, then lay your burden down. The best way to honour the past is to make the most of your present. Trust yourself to make better decisions, and trust that you will recover when you don’t. Lay aside blame, shame, and all that pain, and keep moving forward. Good memories await, all you have to do is make room for them.
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Geena Lee
Lovesoul Studio
Toronto, Canada
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